The biggest question is not how I am loosing weight but WHY did I get to the point where I wanted to loose weight and not wanting to give in or up like in the past.....
The biggest part of becoming overweight and almost obese happened over the last 17 years of my life. I was quite skinny as a child and even up to my midd twenties. We lived in Central Asia since my midd twenties and the weight just kept climbing on and up after each child I had. Only three of them to be correct ;)
I did try to loose weight, tried the one thing after the other just to gain it all back again. After every fall it was harder to get up again and face the challenge laying ahead...
For the last seven years our family have been living in Turkey. I think after turning forty years old real wisdom kicks in ;) Actually on my fortieth birthday, I weighed about 78kg which was a good low for me then. Turning forty was a big deal for me and I tried to loose weight before the big 4 so I could look good and healthy :) Hoping to kick into a healthier lifestyle.
After that I picked it all back up within 3 years to weighing 86kg! I was shocked that it happened just like that, that I allowed the weight to creep on slowly after I lost it a 100g at a time over months putting in a big effort.
Last Christmas I came to a point where I was just so tiered, fad up, disappointed, discouraged and sad about the state of my weight. I was thinking how much being overweight was stealing from me.
As I sat pondering on this the full force of this "STEALING" from my life became such a reality.
I believe that God has called me as a wife, mother, sister, neighbor and friend. I feel strongly about this calling on my life and thought that anything short from this will not be who I need to be.
I sat thinking how being fat-tiered-over weight has robbed my energy and joy. How many times I shy back from doing something because I feel tiered or fat. I was saddened that I often miss out on wonderful events in my daily life because I am just not up to the energy to participate.
As a mother my kids make comments from time to time that I was fat and off course they did not mean for it to hurt my heart..... but it did sting deep. On the beach every summer I would sit covered under the umbrella or sarong because I was to shy to show the big thighs on the beach playing beach tennis with the kids or just going for a shallow swim. I was so embarrassed to actually let my husband even stare at me in my state in a bathing suit.... knowing that he really desire me to look stunning for him..... ouch!
I have such a heart for people and compassion to love and help others. I was struggling with the energy to do all that I wanted to do for these dear people in my life. When midd afternoon hit I was just to tiered to serve with love and compassion..... it sounds hard I know. I was at a state where I felt a constant lack of energy.... I had to drag myself to do what I needed to do.
When walking past a mirror in our home or shop window I will stare at myself and look away immediately.... who was that woman? The thoughts that went through my mind in such a moment was just to hard to face.....
My weight was controlling my joy and thought life......
I didn't want to be there.... even being thin. I knew that even by being thin my weight could be controlling my life. I came to God in prayer asking for wisdom and freedom over my weight issues. If it was being fat or thin I wanted to be healthy and free from being haunted by negative thoughts of how I looked.
It took me months to work through my emotions.... to grasped who He created me to be....... more than a conqueror.....
Now nine months later I weight 72 kg and have lost 13kg..... I'm definitely more energetic and happy from what I was 9 months before. I feel more at peace with how I look and where I'm heading living a healthier lifestyle.
I see my health and living a healthy lifestyle as a blessing. I'm not fully there yet but I have hope to live the next 60 years of my life being a healthy happy weight serving God to the fullest. I want to be this old lady one day with spunk and energy traveling the world sharing the love of God. I want my children to remember the wonderful times we had together on the beach, in the park and at home.
I want my dear husband to look at me with admiration in his eyes..... thinking that I look absolute stunning and beautiful.... I know he loves me anyway... but there is something about looking great and he stares at me and I know he thinks I look amazing. I know it is important to him that I'm not overweight....... healthy, fit and in good shape.
Most of all I felt in my heart it was the right time to tackle this challenge of weight for once and for all..... I wanted to be all I can for my husband, children, family and friends to serve Him....with all my heart, body and soul.
Join me.... do not give up.... BE ALL YOU CAN BE!
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